Alis Inside

In her interactions with people, and in business, Alis could easily predict each situation's outcome. She wished she had never read Machiavelli's "The Prince."

She spent a lot of time thinking about the process. Because she knew the outcomes in advance, the situation could quickly become revolting. "Like a bad chess game," she told her lover. "I don't want to play." When given the choice, she preferred to choose battles she knew she could win. Everyday events fell into predictable molds. Politics became business as usual. She was able to determine her probability of success - - the likelihood of pushing an idea through, or making a significant change. She enjoyed looking at how she would get there - - what could be, so much better than what was.

She spent too much time looking ahead - - invalidating the current moments by dwelling on the future. She looked forward to moments of change, like the first day in a new apartment, or travelling to a new town.

Like a cryptographer reading secret code, she dissected each day.